I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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