If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
