Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
