I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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