I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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