One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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