my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize