No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
