i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
