dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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