Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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