but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
