Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he thought i was a dude.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
