Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't make out with my wife yet
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize