Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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