They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
