hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
