I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Success! We fucked roommates!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
