You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
