we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
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We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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