I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Alive.
So much puke
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
