I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Congratulations! We have a period
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