so explain again why im purple
no
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
