the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
