Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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