It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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