She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize