I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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