normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
