My liver just broke up with me...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
