Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
there is glitter all over my balls
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize