oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
