It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
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I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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