these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
