And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
