Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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