Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize