I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
