I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize