I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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