At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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