omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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