So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
