I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
