Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
