There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
