the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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