R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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