I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
