I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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