you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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