operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
