I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
