I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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