I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
