had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We left the knife in your bed.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
