I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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