Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
