a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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