Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
