a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
