So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
