so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
