One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
